this backpack's too heavy.

I just can't do it all, okay?
Even when I get everything done that absolutely HAS to be done, there are still papers due in a week that should be started, visiting teaching that should be done, stewardship interviews that should be done, cleaning that should be done, studying that should be done, thermometers to be rewired for the fourth time, quizzes to redo, French resumes and cover letters to write, etc. etc.
And then all the guilt I feel for always complaining or whatever when everyone around me has just as much going on, but is somehow able to be much more cheerful about it all.

For some reason I thought that college would get easier the further in you get.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.

While walking to the RB to practice Rumba, by myself:

I stepped in a huge puddle and got my right foot soaked.
I realized I forgot music to dance to, so I'll look really cool...dancing my myself..to the music in my head.


And then I got sprayed with snow/slush/rain/mud/vomit from the sky by a DUMB car that drove by.



GRRR.

Choices

AGH! Will everyone stop asking me to dance open with them!? Sheesh.

Let's see there's Kirstie, Shawndeen, Chris, Jessica, Kimber, Beth, Tanya, Abby, and the girl that I can't remember the name of.

Good gravy! And now they're asking for me to dance Open Standard! Can they not see I've never done standard? Either there are no guys out in the selection pool, their blind as bats, or I'm "ridiculously good looking..." so they want to dance with me because of my body... yeah, scratch that last one.

Oy! I'm not complaining. I'm really rather grateful. Makes me feel good to know that I'm wanted by someone. I just feel terrible every time I tell another girl no. =S

To all you girls that want to dance with me: "I'm sorry! I'm taken!" : (

"i want you to dance like you're 'posed to!"

AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

why oh why oh why was i born with such indecision (and randomly an utter lack of capitalization)?

i'm sitting in a fig tree once again (sylvia plath quote that basically sums up my entire life) with all these figs as options and i can't seem to pick one and cut off my strings to the others...

it would help if someone would call me back for once. GRR.
it would also help if i'd just decide once and for all if i want to compete individually this year.
but it's a blackpool year! brent's and my mother's voices in my head protest.
but i want to be a chemist! i almost say outloud.

ballroom just doesn't seem to have the hold on me it once did. thinking about spending 10 hours a week in the lab excites me a lot more than 10 hours a week in rehearsal.
but i can't just sit by and watch everyone else dance in full costume and makeup in november. i would cry. probably.

meh. i just wish i knew what would make me happiest.

an addition to below post

Not to mention the fact that I will be gone TEN days!

Ten days away from classes, friends, and Josh.

:(

so there.

"I cannot seem to operate and you my love are gone."

NOoooooooooooooooo
NO NO NO NO NO.

Warning: This is another one of those "ballroom never lets me do anything!" rants. Let me start out by saying I'm very grateful to be a member of the company and for the opportunities it gives me, BUT. Sometimes, I just hate midsemester tour.

I'm going to be out of town for Ingrid Michaelson AND Snow Patrol! Ingrid is probably one of my all-time favorite artists, and absolutely AMAZING in concert (right, Amanda?). And! Snow Patrol is performing ten minutes from where I live, and I have always wanted to see them live. And I shall be in Southern California falling behind in my classes and dancing myself crazy. Grrrrr! (Ok, ten days in So Cal is not much of a trial, BUT.)

All I have to say is Regina Spektor better be coming this year. And I'd better not be gone.

Meh!

GRRR

So I'm in the RB on the 10 minute computer downstairs as I drink a Slim-Fast so that I at least have something in my stomach before I go and work out. My reason for needing this blog right now is a certain person I have to dance with on team. I won't mention any names... but he's an oregonian that Laura thinks is attractive that I think has a big head :) Anyway.... we don't work as dance partners. He's on both numbers because he has to fill in for someone on the viennese Waltz, so he only practices with us every other day. The parts that we have to dance together just don't work, even when we practice on our own time a lot. He laughs a lot too when we mess up, not like "haha whoops we messed up again" more like "Kellie why the heck are you not doing it right". I guess snicker would be a better word. He never says anything directly but the way he acts or looks frustrated, I can tell he thinks things are mostly my fault, and I feel like he doesn't take my suggestions very well. I KNOW it's not all my fault because when I was doing all those parts with James yesterday, they were working perfectly!! Then Brent says, "Kellie, why didn't you do the tor-je-te?" (sorry katie I have no idea how to spell it) but I can't say, because John didn't do his part at all to help me! gahh! anyway I'm out of time on the computer...