"i want you to dance like you're 'posed to!"

AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

why oh why oh why was i born with such indecision (and randomly an utter lack of capitalization)?

i'm sitting in a fig tree once again (sylvia plath quote that basically sums up my entire life) with all these figs as options and i can't seem to pick one and cut off my strings to the others...

it would help if someone would call me back for once. GRR.
it would also help if i'd just decide once and for all if i want to compete individually this year.
but it's a blackpool year! brent's and my mother's voices in my head protest.
but i want to be a chemist! i almost say outloud.

ballroom just doesn't seem to have the hold on me it once did. thinking about spending 10 hours a week in the lab excites me a lot more than 10 hours a week in rehearsal.
but i can't just sit by and watch everyone else dance in full costume and makeup in november. i would cry. probably.

meh. i just wish i knew what would make me happiest.