Toys-R-Us

I've decided I don't wanna grow up. Yep. Made that decision just now. Why, you ask? Because it's just too gosh darn painful. When I was a kid all I had to think about was me and my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and how they and I were going to take out the Shredder... and Fritz, the next door neighbor's evil dog that chewed up my Casey Jones action figure.... I could have cared less what the girls thought of me. I could have cared less what kind of emotional support I was receiving. I could have cared less about tons.

Now... now... it's just pain...

Let me be six again. Let me have my Donatello's and Michelangelo's to rule the world...

... or maybe just the backyard...

Whatever

*Daniel's right. *Elizabeth's right. *Clyde's right. *Rebecca's right. They're ALL right!

So what the heck is my problem!? Why can't I listen to people's advice!? "Out of the mouth of two or three..." Hello!? Why do we ask for people's advice if we don't even use it? Perhaps because we secretly wish that someone along the way will give us the advice we're looking to hear!

Απλά. Αγαπάω τιν φίλη μου. Γιατί δεν με δίνει αυτό που χρειάζομαι;

All I can clearly say is this: &%$#@!?!?, &%$#@!?!?, &%$#@!?!?, &%$#@!?!?

*Names have been changed.

"Like too little butter spread over too much bread."

I'm tired..... I'm just simply worn out.... too many things always going through my head and too many things always on the To-Do list. I'm frustrated (Not angry).

Even vacations often seem to bring me no respite. Where is that stuff actually found?!

I find myself just wishing that I could find some way to leave all my cares, and concerns, and responsibilities, and passions, and problems, and drama, and work, and money, and heartaches, and desires, and dreams, and pains, and burdens, and mantles, and hopes, and frustrations... and just take a step away....

and go lay in a hammock.....

on a beach....

sipping a virgin martini....

with one of those little umbrellas....

alone....

I suppose the only day that'll ever happen is when I'm dead. And even then, I'm sure God will put me to work.

My existence is doomed to trudge with the burden of responsibilty.

Normally I'm fine with it. In fact normally I quite like it. But like both of the Relief Society Presidents expressed yesterday evening, "We, as Leaders, are HARPED ON by Satan on all sides!" Sitting there, watching tears flow down the cheeks of both presidents, and having my own demons raging within me, I felt a tad bit overwhelmed.

But ask me then, ask me now, or ask me later if I would have it any other way, and I will respond with a resounding, "NO!!!!! I will not abandon them! I will not abandon those that need me. But above all, I will not abandon my God!"

Till my dying breathe let this ring true!

Tough

Sometimes, no matter how much you want something to work out or how fervently you pray for things to get better, they just don't. At least not for a while. And no matter how many people and good friends surround me 24/7, and despite the fact I know Heavenly Father won't abandon me, most of the time I feel completely alone, isolated, empty.
Good thing we have this blog for me to vent about it. Not like you guys don't get it enough anyway. Thanks for putting up with it (usually).