Songs speak my words

This really isn't a vent. I just didn't want all my followers on my personal blog reading this. I'm recently obsessed with this song for some reason. Specifically these lyrics:

There's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Sometimes love just ain't enough.

Obviously you three know what comes to mind first, and that's still my biggest problem!
After my internal struggle about wanting to stay here so badly for summer term but knowing all along that I never really would decide to, this song makes me feel better about my decision. There's a reason why I HAVE to get away. I cannot stay here. Katie and Josh, I will miss you, really, but now I go to Oregon even happier than before, knowing that it's really what is healthiest for me.

There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
The familiarity of this place is still too much. So after next week, I will just see you the end of August briefly, and then for good in January! Meanwhile, hopefully I can heal. Laura, here I come!

Guys.

A few words of advice to the sometimes unaware male:

FACT: It does NOT make YOU look smarter, when you make a girl feel stupid. It actually makes you ten THOUSAND times more unattractive to her.

FACT: If you want to have a normal relationship/friendship with a normal girl, have a normal conversation with her once in a while. {NOTE: stupid comments, teasing remarks, singing ridiculous songs in her face, trying to trip her, or smacking her butt with the pizza peel do not count. This can sometimes be funny and some guys can get away with that, but you are probably not that guy. don't take the chance. and that guy does all that in addition to having normal conversations.}

Gaaaaaahhhh.

EDIT: This was not directed toward the only guy (that I'm aware of) that reads this blog. He is not a jerk, and has never made me feel stupid.

"Like too little butter spread over too much bread."

I'm tired..... I'm just simply worn out.... too many things always going through my head and too many things always on the To-Do list. I'm frustrated (Not angry).

Even vacations often seem to bring me no respite. Where is that stuff actually found?!

I find myself just wishing that I could find some way to leave all my cares, and concerns, and responsibilities, and passions, and problems, and drama, and work, and money, and heartaches, and desires, and dreams, and pains, and burdens, and mantles, and hopes, and frustrations... and just take a step away....

and go lay in a hammock.....

on a beach....

sipping a virgin martini....

with one of those little umbrellas....

alone....

I suppose the only day that'll ever happen is when I'm dead. And even then, I'm sure God will put me to work.

My existence is doomed to trudge with the burden of responsibilty.

Normally I'm fine with it. In fact normally I quite like it. But like both of the Relief Society Presidents expressed yesterday evening, "We, as Leaders, are HARPED ON by Satan on all sides!" Sitting there, watching tears flow down the cheeks of both presidents, and having my own demons raging within me, I felt a tad bit overwhelmed.

But ask me then, ask me now, or ask me later if I would have it any other way, and I will respond with a resounding, "NO!!!!! I will not abandon them! I will not abandon those that need me. But above all, I will not abandon my God!"

Till my dying breathe let this ring true!

Confession: this isn't much of a vent.

I guess it's more of a...lament. (okay. I really just wanted to make it rhyme, but hey. it fits)

There is this person that I feel like I could be very good friends with, if she would leave religion out of it.

Not saying religion shouldn't be a constant and driving force in everyday life, but there are times when, if it is a sore subject or the root of underlying tension, that it should not be at the forefront of things.

I sometimes get the feeling that she doesn't respect my religion, or thinks that I simply do what I do because it's what I've always done, and that I don't really have a solid faith of my own.

I just wish she wouldn't expect me to have all the answers. Because I don't. And I'm actually quite terrible at phrasing those I do have in a way that really conveys what I believe and feel. The perfect words always seem to come the next day.

Sometimes I feel like the most Christlike thing we can do is love and respect people as they are. Respect their imperfections and understand their history. And understand that they will not always be as they are now, that they are capable of change, but that it might not happen tomorrow; they might not be ready for that yet. Sometimes the best way to spread Light is not through words or quotes from Scripture, but through friendship and a silent example of a better way.

Anyway, those are my thoughts for the day. Everything will work out in the end, as it should. That I know. I'm just so glad I'm not the one deciding how it should.

*NOTE: Ever the optimist, I have turned this into a good thing. I just spent 30 minutes on lds.org, looking up conference talks, D & C manuals, and scriptures about the sacrament, the word of wisdom and why we don't drink wine. I got the spiritual boost I needed. I win.

Bad Timing

Just had a good date with Jeff. We like each other. I'm pretty darn sure it will go somewhere.

CRAP

Life has not been fair to me lately. And when I finally get my chance, I can't take full advantage of it, because, oh yeah, I leave in 3 WEEKS! Why me???

hmph!

WHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYY am I so freaking bad at decision making?!!!

And so very good at rushing into/not thinking/being reckless???????

NO BUENO.



edit: I'll probably wake up tomorrow and decide I'm okay with what I decided, so you may ignore this freak out.